So here I am about 11pm on a Friday night, making sure my boy Jackson is truly asleep and not pulling his little cat-nap trick again. I truly hate waking up after only half an hour...it's like someone punches me in the face and then makes me walk a tightrope. Anyway, I'm sitting here waiting...and it hits me...life changes! Not only does it change, we MAKE it change! The trick is making the changes you want while trying to achieve every American dream: pursuit of happiness. Let me back up a bit...Tarantino it all if you will...
I'll only go back to college, because let's face it - high school blows. You really understand this once you LEAVE high school and see how cool college is. But that's just my point! Get this...think about every life-changing experience you've ever had and go back in time one week...one month...or maybe half a year. Now tell me, how comfortable were you? When I started college, it was a little scary but exciting at the same time. But during about the third year in school, I started to become very comfortable where I was at and was loving just being in school. Hell, that's part of the reason I stayed another two years! But you graduate and start looking for jobs, that feeling of 'what the hell is going to happen now?' comes back. The same scared-but-excited feeling returns! So you find a job, big deal, everyone works right? But you soon realize you don't know anything about how the real world works. You only know what they taught you from the books...there is no 'real-world 101' class. And again, the scared/excited felling is back...or more like 'wholly shit, man...I don't know what I'm doing! I hope nobody notices...'. But alas, a year goes by and those feelings pass.
If you are so lucky you'll find someone you can call your best friend in the whole world. And if you're luckier, they'll agree to spend the rest of their life with you. Yes, this is another one of those moments that can be scary/exciting. Yes, I say it CAN be because I have a confession to make: marrying my wife was easy. I didn't have butterflies the day of my wedding, I didn't wake up in cold sweats, I didn't even forget anything for the wedding! It was easy because I was COMFORTABLE with the situation I was getting into. I dated her for almost five years, most of which was long-distance. But she was worth traveling every distance to me...she is my best friend. And honey, if you are reading this...I love you! ...now let's get back to the situation...
Kids change EVERYTHING! Anybody who says kids don't change anything are full of bull-pucky...or just lead a very boring life. When we had the first ultra-sound and I saw the legs, arms, and head of my little Claire...yes you guessed it...scared/excited again. If you ever read this Claire, don't take this the wrong way...but when I saw those pictures of her I was struck dumb. I thought 'wow...what am I going to do with this little girl!?' I know...weird thought, huh? I thought so too. I realized then and there that I would never be absolutely ready for fatherhood...but you know what? After one year with Claire, all those feelings of trepidation are gone. I'm gettin' comfy again!
Now comes the epiphany I started out with: pursuit of happiness. See, I was married to Joyce for two years before we had our first child, Claire. Man we had some times! We toured a bit of Alaska, went camping, fishing, traveled to Canada a few times, went skiing every winter, enjoyed the family cabin together...yada yada yada...man it was fun! It was comfy! I went riding, golfing, and fishing whenever I wanted, and she traveled and did whatever she wanted when she wanted. But that all changed with kids. We don't camp, fish, ski, or anything like that anymore...yet! This is what hit me tonight (I get great thoughts at night!)...though my hobbies have dwindled to a select few, my life is plenty full. Most of the hobbies will come back again someday, but will be different because the kids will be involved with them. When they're of age, we'll go fishing and camping and hiking again. I'll teach them to ride motorcycles and how to hit that ever-so-tiny ball with a steel-shafted club (hopefully better than I do - that's every father's dream isn't it?). So the real trick is simply this: how will the kids, wife, and I all have fun doing what I like to do? And that's the real poser...every kid is different...they all like different things, and that's great! My job is to expose them to the hobbies I know and love and hope that they like at least one enough that we can spend quality time together doing it. Who knows, they may show me a thing or two along the way too...
So that's it...I know, I know...THAT was the epiphany?! To all you old guys that just said that, I think this is a huge realization for a young father...and don't kid yourself - you remember going through the same things! And for all you guys that just don't understand what the hell I'm talking about...just wait...it'll come to you someday. What's funny now is - I don't think I'm going to be comfortable again for a VERY long time! I hear the kids make sure of this...
...I'm done and spent! Jackson's definitely asleep now...me pillow beckons me...
